Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
