if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
