Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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