I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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