is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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