You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
