yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
