areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
