And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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