Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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