Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
