Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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