the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
