i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
