handjob tips. give me some.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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