i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
