how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
