Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
