I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
