how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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