Pappa wants mamma naked
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
