Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You need Xanax blowdarts
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
