i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
