guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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