he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
