I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
