the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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