'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
