omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
