What a fucking waste of an outfit
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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