btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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