I puked a lego.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
