I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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