Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
