at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How does one acquire holy water?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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