so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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