You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
