Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
