The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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