mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Be still, my beating vagina.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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