Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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