i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
