If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
