after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
