I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
