I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
