what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Terrible idea I love it
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
