watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
