Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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