I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
