Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
