Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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