And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
